How to really support someone.

Support is based on lending your hand. Your ears. Your eyes. And your heart.

I think most of us have forgotten how to support others.

When someone comes to us about a decision, a problem, or anything at all, we generally give advice based on our own experiences and what we would do.

This approach seldom works.

Ever wonder why no one listens to your advice?

It is because you are giving advice based on what you would do. When in fact, it is about your friend and what she would do.

The good news is that – We can change.

The first thing we need to make conscious is that we outta stop shoulding our friends and family.

Shoulding is based on your experience. When we should someone we aren’t listening to them. We are not taking into consideration what they are saying and perhaps needing in that moment.

The second thing we need to make conscious is to listen to what our friends are saying. Really listen. Deeply. What is the underlying thing they are saying?

By listening with the intent to listen and soaking up what your friend is opening up to you about or explaining to you, we have the opportunity to hear something they, themselves, might be missing. Then, we can offer words of wisdom to help them awaken to what they haven’t noticed yet. And maybe this profound knowing will help them move forward.

It’s like putting together a puzzle. You are helping your friend put together a puzzle. You are not doing the puzzle for your friend.

We do not fix people. We guide them to know what they already know.

Of course there are people who just want to know what you would do, and of course we love telling people what we would do, so we say it. But then after they don’t take your advice. Or maybe they do and it doesn’t work out as they had hoped. Either way, they choose to do something based on someone elses thoughts, not their own. Thus, we all stop thinking for ourselves. When we could be encouraging others to think for themselves!

It’s rather ironic isn’t it?

The third thing we need to make conscious is to start respecting decisions.

You do not have to like or agree with anyones decisions.

You just need to respect their decision.

It might not make sense to you. Nonetheless, it does to that person.

Of course, there are people making decisions and we think. ‘Why?’

This is not yours to take on. This is not your time to shine. It is not the time to should. Throw advice. Or spew unnecessary thoughts or name calling.

Then of course there are people who have a strong intuition and makes decisions that are based on their gut. Those people trust that feeling and go forth with it.

These people are condemned too.

It also is not yours to take on.

Respect decisions. Because in the end people will do what they will do. This is how people learn.

Through choice.

It is not our responsibility to save anyone. It our responsibility to love them. And honour them.

In the end all we had were choices.

The fourth thing we need to bring to consciousness is that we are each others guides. When someone comes to you, it is because they see the light within you that could help them bring out their light and knowingness.

You’ve been called to be of service.

We all need a little push sometimes to see and hear what we already know. We do this by inquiring about the person in need and shedding light on their situation. Sharing experiences if warranted. Lifting this person up as high as possible so they can do what they were meant to do.

We can now ask our friends what they need from us. Ask what they feel. Be the shoulder. And let your friend lean on you.

A good way to give your piece of the puzzle is to say something like “I sense you are feeling..”.

Using “I feel” instead of “I think”.

Because actually words matter.

And ya, sometimes, we need to tell our friends whom we love, to figure it out themselves.

We will not let anyone drain us with their constant and relentless unwillingness.

Kindly say “I really believe you have the answers within you”.

Because we do have to take care of our own energy before we can take care of anyone elses.

So guys.

The more we inquire about what our friends know in their heart and soul to do, the more we are actually helping others.

The more we respect others decisions, the more we can have meaningful relationships with trust and understanding.

It’s hard to watch people do and say things we don’t understand and your support isn’t requested/needed. Respect that.